


Ease

by thefangirlingdead



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, this is seriously just a shitload of fluff because i haven't written these two in forever, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 10:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6047956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefangirlingdead/pseuds/thefangirlingdead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it finally happens, it's like everything else between Levi and Erwin - with ease.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ease

**Author's Note:**

> _Take me back to the basics and the simple life_  
>  _Tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease_  
>  _Your touch, my comfort, and my lullaby_  
>  _Holding on tight and sleeping at night_  
> [Ease](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAt1m1lQK3w) \- Troye Sivan
> 
>  
> 
> First off, HI! I'm so lame because back in December I said I would be writing more, and then didn't write at all for two months. Then today, a lovely anon asked me to please write anything, so I wrote this fluffy mess because I was listening to Troye Sivan and having a lot of feelings about these two men. So hopefully it's alright.
> 
> In other news, I REALLY promise I am working on some longer chaptered fics, they're just taking a bit longer than anticipated to come together, but they're happening. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this. Stay sweet. <3

It happens on accident, or at least that’s what Levi tells himself. 

He doesn’t mean to get so close to his Commander, but over the better part of a decade, how can it not happen? Levi may be closed off, may only let certain people close to him, but he can only keep himself walled off for so long. That, and Erwin just happens to be one of those certain people that Levi lets close. He’s the  _one_  person that Levi lets close. 

So it happens on accident. Afterall, he would never purposely fall in love with his Commander, right? 

It something that Levi realizes a few years after joining the Survey Corps, and he dares not speak a word about it, both out of fear and embarrassment, and because he doesn’t want to distract Erwin. Erwin, _humanity’s_ _hope_ for a better future. He never says a word, and it’s fine. Levi is used to bottling up his words, his emotions, he’s used to putting up a wall.

But Erwin is good at breaking down walls. He proves this again and again as Levi tries to distance himself, only for Erwin to pull him out of his comfort zone every single time, and he proves it again eight years after Levi first meets him, when they finally free humanity from the titans. 

Levi admires Erwin. He looks up to him. He wishes he could be more like Erwin, as much as the other man despises himself sometimes, and Levi even loves that about him. That’s just it - Levi  _loves_  him. But he doesn’t say anything. As close as they are, he can’t. He’d rather bury it deep than ruin their relationship by bringing it up. Even after the walls fall, Levi’s own walls stay up, guarded. He remains close to Erwin, doesn’t say a word, and that’s how it happens by accident.

There’s talk of retirement after everything is over. Erwin confides in Levi that he doesn’t feel useful anymore, that he just wants to relax, to enjoy freedom and study the world as his father wanted to, without soldiers looking up to him, so Levi naturally encourages him to do just that. Erwin deserves it afterall.

“We could just leave,” he offers, feet kicked up onto Erwin’s desk late one afternoon, uncaring about the dirt for once. Things are much more easy now, more relaxed. 

When Erwin just looks at him, eyebrows raised, Levi shrugs and elaborates. “There aren’t any laws against it, right?” he says, “Who’s going to stop us? We wouldn’t have to tell anyone, we could just go.”

Levi doesn’t think about the fact that he says  _we_ , like they’re a package deal, because they simply are. They always have been. He also thinks nothing of it when Erwin hums thoughtfully and murmurs, “Wouldn’t that be nice…”

Or, he doesn’t think anything of it - has almost completely forgotten their conversation - until a little over a month later, when Erwin searches him out in the stable. Levi is just closing his mare’s stall, just feeding her for the night and readying himself to go home - he’s taken to staying at his own place more often rather than at the headquarters, now that there isn’t the threat of imminent battle anymore - when he spies his Commander’s form in the doorway. Or, his  _former_  Commander’s form. As of five days ago, Erwin is on his path to retirement. 

“What are you doing here?” Levi asks, wiping his dirty hands off on his pants. He’ll have to do laundry tomorrow. “Shouldn’t you be filing your paperwork?”

Admittedly, Levi feels a little bitter that Erwin is leaving. He always assumed that Erwin would just  _be_  there, a permanent fixture of the Survey Corps, but it makes sense. If Levi didn’t feel like he still owed his life to it, he’d leave to. Or if the right person asked him to…

“I just finished,” Erwin says with a smile, taking a few steps forward to close the distance between them.  

Levi raises his eyebrows. “Wow,” he mutters, voice even, “You’re officially retired.”

“I am,” Erwin replies, that same smile lingering on his face. He watches Levi for a moment, as if trying to decipher the look on his face, so Levi doesn’t give him a chance to look any longer.

He turns, double checking that his mare’s stall is locked before crossing the hall to close the door to the feed room. The stables are silent, save for the rustling of hay and hooves, and Levi and Erwin. “So what are you going to do now?” Levi asks, making sure his back is to Erwin when the question comes out. The last thing he needs is for his face to betray his emotions when Erwin answers.

“Well…” Erwin says, voice suddenly careful, unsure. It’s unlike him. “I was actually thinking about what you said.”

Levi furrows his eyebrows, eventually turning to face Erwin again, unsure of what he’s talking about. “What?”

“About a month ago, in my office,” Erwin clarifies, “About leaving the walls.”

At that, Levi can’t help the way his mouth drops open slightly. It’s a surprise, especially considering he forgot ever having the conversation with Erwin. When he finally gathers his thoughts, he replies, as calm and cool as possible, “You’re going to leave? How is a man with one arm supposed to fend for himself outside of the walls?”

He means it in a teasing tone, a coping mechanism because  _surely Erwin can’t be thinking about leaving him behind_ , but those thoughts go right out the window the next time Erwin speaks. 

“That’s why I came to find you,” Erwin says, smile returning to his lips. He waits a beat, leaving Levi lingering on his words, then says, “I want you to come with me.”

Levi can’t help it. He stammers. “Wait - What?” 

The smile doesn’t leave Erwin’s face. If anything, it widens, and for a brief moment of terror, Levi thinks that Erwin  _knows_. But he doesn’t, he can’t. And what he says next doesn’t allude to that. 

“Levi,” Erwin says, “You’re my right hand. When you mentioned it before, you said  _we_  should leave the walls… And well, I honestly don’t think I’d go without you.” 

When Levi simply gapes, unsure of what to say, Erwin quickly adds, “Besides, it wouldn’t feel right, leaving the walls without you.” 

Levi exhales on a shaky laugh, but behind his own walls, his mind is moving a thousand miles an hour. He didn’t expect this from Erwin, didn’t expect him to actually take him seriously, let alone ask him to come with. 

Instead of just accepting the offer, Levi backtracks, thinks too much. “I can’t… You’re retired, but I’m not. I can’t just leave the kids, I don’t-”

And just as fast as it’s there, Erwin’s smile fades. “It’s a lot to ask, I’m aware,” he says, solemn, “I’ve already asked so much from you, Levi. I understand if you don’t want to, I just wanted to propose the idea.”

And, unable to say anything else, Levi just mutters, “Yeah.”

Erwin offers him a tight smile at that. He doesn’t tell Levi to think about it, doesn’t beg him to come, or even order him to do so. Instead, he just leaves it at that. “I’ll be around for the next week,” he says, “Moving my belongings out of my -  _Hange’s_ \- office. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, okay,” Levi echoes, “See you tomorrow.” 

And just like that, Erwin’s gone, and Levi feels blindsided.

* * *

Four days later, Levi shows up in the doorway of Erwin’s office, and, undetected, he watches his former Commander pack up some of his belongings, putting them in boxes and envelopes, throwing some away. Levi leans against the doorframe, Erwin’s back to him, and thinks about the last eight years of his life, about how big of a part of his life Erwin is, and while the paper in his hands feels heavy, it’s less so now, knowing that he’s making the right choice. 

Eventually, Levi clears his throat, and Erwin turns, smiling when he sees him. He smiles a lot more nowadays. More often than not, Levi can still see the darkness lingering underneath, knows that Erwin still carries the burdens of a Commander, but smiles and laughs come easier now. They suit him well. “Levi,” he says, “Shouldn’t you be out training the new cadets? It’s nice outside today.”

Levi smirks, pushing away from the wall. “You’re not my Commander anymore,” he teases, “You can’t tell me what to do.”

Erwin chuckles. “Ah, I suppose you’re right.”

“And I gave them the day off,” Levi clarifies as he nears Erwin’s desk, stopping a few steps shy. “It’s nice out. They should be enjoying themselves.”

Erwin raises his eyebrows. “That doesn’t sound like  _humanity’s strongest_.”

Levi snorts at the nickname, one that has long since become a joke between the two of them. “Yeah, well, I’ve gone a little soft.”

“It suits you,” Erwin says, taking a seat at his desk while they talk. The compliment is nothing, something small between friends, but it still warms Levi’s cheeks, makes him look away, just for a split second. For a moment, he forgets why he came here, what he needed to tell Erwin, but just as his thoughts run away with him, Erwin grounds him again. “Did you need something?”

_Oh_. Right.

Levi glances down at the paper, then back up at Erwin and takes a deep breath. 

“This is my letter of resignation,” he says, closing the distance between himself and Erwin’s desk, sliding it forward for him to see. Without being asked, Erwin takes the paper and turns it in his hand, skimming it over. “The war hasn’t been kind to me, and I figure in times of peace, the new cadets could use someone more like Arlert or Kirstein to train them. Plus, I don’t get out as much as I used to.”

He doesn’t come right out and say it, but he doesn’t have to. Erwin understands, he must, by the way he suddenly looks up at Levi. “Are you sure about this?” he asks after a moment of studying Levi, then his letter again. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to-”

“I want to,” Levi says, voice sturdy. He matches Erwin’s gaze. “I need a new start.”

And that’s all it takes. Erwin trusts him, and a month later, they leave the walls in the early morning after saying goodbye to their closest friends and asking them to pass on their well wishes to the others. Hange is sad, but not upset.  _“I’m more so angry that you’re going to get to explore before I do,”_ she teases the night before they leave, sharing a drink with them at Erwin’s soon to be vacant house, and Erwin, with a smile assures her that she’ll be close behind. 

It isn’t always easy. They leave the walls in late Spring with more than enough supplies to last, and the tools to plant gardens, hunt and provide for themselves for months, but some days are easier than others. Mostly, it’s the weather that hinders them, like freak snowstorms and pounding rain in the spring, and dangerous thunderstorms and flooding in the summer. They go without food a few times, and Levi gets sick in the first two months more often than he’d care to admit, but they’re  _free_ , and that freedom is worth all of that and more. The remarkable sights - vast, untouched grasslands and towering mountain peaks and cliffs - are something that Levi wouldn’t trade the world for. 

And the best part is, he gets to see it all, experience it all for the first time at Erwin’s side. 

However, being alone with Erwin all the time has its ups and downs. They work fantastically together, can usually go hours without saying a word and still understand one another perfectly, but it’s also difficult. It’s hard, because before the walls came down, before they won, Levi had a very solid and concrete reason not to pursue Erwin, not to let his feelings show. The chances of one of them losing their lives before the end was too great, and the chance of Erwin returning his feelings was slim to none, but now, it almost seems as if the tables have turned. 

Sometimes, Levi thinks he’s just reading too much into it, but other times, it’s hard to tell. 

During the peak of summer, Erwin and Levi make their home in a valley, surrounded by wild, green mountains, and clear river that runs through the center of the meadow. They don’t necessarily have a plan, haven’t had one since leaving the walls, but if Levi could choose a place to settle down and stay forever, it would be here, away from everything and everyone, alone with Erwin. It’s unrealistic, as there aren’t any abandoned structures nearby - something that is surprisingly common - but he can’t help but hope. He also can’t help but hope that he’s not reading too much into things when he notices Erwin’s gaze lingering on him just a little too long while they’re bathing in the river one morning, but again, he tries not to get his hopes up.

Or at least, he doesn’t until that evening, as they settle down for the night. 

“You like it here,” Erwin infers that night in the quiet of the tent, a lamp light dimly illuminating his features.

“I do,” Levi admits, “I wish we could stay.”

Erwin simply shrugs, “We could.”

Levi snorts out a laugh. “Yeah?” he asks, “And where would we live? In this tent?”

“We could build a shelter,” Erwin offers.

“We wouldn’t be finished by Winter,” Levi counters.

At that, Erwin huffs out a laugh. “You’re being awfully negative,” he observes. Levi lies on the ground while Erwin sits at his side and gazes down at him, and suddenly, Levi feels naked, vulnerable underneath Erwin’s eyes.

“And you’re being very positive,” Levi says, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so optimistic about something.”

Erwin laughs again. It’s something that has become even more common since leaving the walls. In fact, Levi has rarely seen Erwin look upset or stressed since their departure. Every once in a while, he’ll catch a far off look in his eyes, like he’s thinking of all of the people who weren’t able to make it this far, but as soon as it’s there, it’s gone. “It’s easy to be, out here,” he says, then quickly adds, “With you.”

And like every other time, Levi doesn’t know if he’s reading too much into this, or if it’s something more. And just like every other time, he doesn’t pursue it, doesn’t test the waters. Instead he just says, “Everything’s easier out here. Too bad it wasn’t always like this.”

But it seems that Erwin has stopped listening. Either that, or he just choses not respond. Instead, he just hums, his eyes darting down to Levi’s lips, then back up to meet his gaze.

When Erwin’s fingers first brush his cheek, Levi tenses, and the touch stills, but after a moment, he allows himself to relax, eyes falling closed, and slowly, it becomes more solid. Fingers turn into a warm hand pressing softly against his cheek, and before he knows it, there are a pair of lips brushing against his own.

When Erwin kisses him, it comes with ease, just like everything else outside the walls. But that’s not when Levi’s walls fall.

The next morning, Levi is up before Erwin, packing his things and throwing them up onto the supply cart, saddling up his mare before the other man even emerges from the tent. And when he does, it’s as if Erwin knows why Levi is packing up his things, but he still has to ask, heartache in his tone, “Are you leaving?”

Levi stills at the question, surprised and frustrated and angry that Erwin would even consider it. No, he can’t leave, as much as he wants to run away from every good thing that ever crosses his path. 

“No,” he says, “ _We_  are. We need to keep moving forward. We don’t want to get caught in the mountains when the weather starts changing.”

And just like that, Levi continues to avoid the one thing that he has wanted, almost as much as freedom, for the past decade. They leave the lush, green valley, and Erwin doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t bring up the kiss, nor the way they clung onto one another in their sleep that night. Life goes on.

And then they reach the ocean.

It happens much sooner than both Levi and Erwin expected, only a few weeks later, but there’s no mistaking it. It happens by accident, like many things in Levi’s life, on a gloomy fall morning, as the two ride forward into the gray, drizzly world. 

“We’ll be able to see better at the top of this hill,” Erwin says, leading Levi and their pack horses forward. The grass is different here, thinner and more wiry than the lush mountain valleys and hills, and in the back of his head, Levi thinks that Hange would have an explanation for it, but he silently keeps trekking forward, following Erwin as he always has.

He’s a few meters behind Erwin when he crests the hill, so when Erwin promptly stops his horse and dismounts, he assumes that it’s because he’s simply getting a better look of the land, maybe grabbing one of his old maps from his saddle bag. But when he just  _stands_  there, Levi becomes both curious and concerned. He dismounts his own mare before even reaching the top of the hill, leaving her to graze behind him as he jogs to catch up to Erwin, and the second he does, he sees it.

It’s gray and overcast, not bright and blue and shimmering like all of the paintings in Erwin’s father’s books suggested, mirroring the overcast clouds, but it's still just as remarkable. As far as Levi can see are vast, rolling gray waves that fade off into the horizon. Atop the hill, he can see that the earth comes to an abrupt end a few meters away, dropping off to a steep cliff, and he’s sure that if he were to stand at the edge, the waves, which he can hear from where he stands, would be crashing up against the land.

At first, he doesn’t say anything, he just gapes at the sight before them. But then, he remembers Erwin at his side, his dreams of fulfilling his father’s destiny, of defeating the titans, exploring the world, finding the ocean… He thinks of Erwin, and immediately, it’s very easy to tear his gaze away from the overcast skies and gray waves to look at him instead. 

“Erwin.”

And then, before he knows what’s happening, Erwin is pulling him forward for a warm embrace, a one-armed hug in celebration because they did it - they really did it.

“We found it,” Levi mutters against Erwin silent form, “We made it, we-”

Erwin pulls away at last, gazing down at Levi, and it isn’t until that moment that Levi sees the tears in his eyes. Levi has seen Erwin cry a small handful of times before, when he learned of Mike’s death, when remembering his father and fallen comrades, but never like this. These are happy tears, tears of joy, and before he knows what he’s doing, Levi is reaching up, brushing them off of his cheeks with his thumbs, feeling salty tears pulling at his own eyes now, as well. 

Erwin catches Levi’s wrist a moment later, and then, before he knows what’s happening, they’re kissing once more. This time, instead of pushing Erwin away as he had the day they left the valley in the mountains, though, he pulls him closer, hands fisting in his jacket, arching up on his toes to press back into the kiss. This time, Levi leans into Erwin and lets everything spill out - his emotions, his tears, his joy.

This time when they part, Levi buries his face in Erwin’s chest, murmuring a soft, barely audible, “Thank you.”

A gentle press of lips on the crown of his head is the response, as is a soft hand cradling the back of his head, and then, just when Levi thinks it couldn’t get any better, just when he starts to think that this can’t be real - _what did he do to deserve something so incredible?_ \- a soft voice next to his ear whispers in return, “I love you, Levi.”

He doesn’t say it back right away, choked up and overwhelmed, years of pent up emotions all coming forth at once, but Erwin doesn’t seem put off by it, nor does he push the subject. It comes naturally for Erwin, showing affection like this, murmuring love into Levi’s hair and ear and skin, later that night in the cover of the abandoned building they set up camp in, and while it may not for Levi, it’s okay. It’s okay, because Erwin wants him either way, and as Levi learns in the coming days, he always has.

When Levi finally does return the words, it’s late the next spring when they finally return to the valley in the mountains, set on building their home - and their lives - where they truly found each other the first time. And those words, much like everything between Levi and Erwin, come with ease. 


End file.
